spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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