Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
