All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
