Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Vodka?
Forever.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
