Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
