I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
