I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
