I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
we should paint friendship bongs
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
