i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
