So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
