she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
