maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
where are you?
Hypothermia
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
