Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
they're like a gay fantastic four
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
