Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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