got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
