Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
