John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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