she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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