is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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