soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
