Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
