do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
