Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
