I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
