Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize
