can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
