my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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