i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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