Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
