Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
