You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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