Umm I'm too high to move.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
