cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize