no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
