Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize