You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
