Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
