I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
