i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize