can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
worst night to have a conscience
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I supernannyed him into submission
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
