if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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