I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Damn victory sex feels great
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
