it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
