your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
