my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
