He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
