I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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