she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
