Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Redeem this text for a blowjob
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
