College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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