So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He shit in the fireplace
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
