dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
