just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
