there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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