i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
