I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
