the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize