we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
