My Higher Power is John Stamos
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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