i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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