I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
