I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
