was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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