She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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