so explain again why im purple
no
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
