you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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