nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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