Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
