Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize