Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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